the pillow next to me is dry
but it still smells like you.
i can’t bring myself to change the pillowcase on it
i think it helps me sleep at night
that stuffed animal you won for me at the arcade
lays in my arms
it’s torn and dirty
i haven’t slept without it since you’ve been gone.
the sheets on my side are tangled
your side is still exactly as you left it
aside from a few tear stains i’ve added over time.
on my nightstand is a photo of us
from the time you were teaching me how to longboard in the sears parking lot
at 10 PM
we laughed so much that night
i begged you to take a picture, we didn’t have many together
we were too in love to remember to document our adventures
too focused on each other to pay attention to our phones
so you did
all you said was that you looked terrible
and i was so photogenic,
that i looked beautiful.
we stayed late
i don’t think either of us wanted the night to end.
i stare at that photo every night before i go to bed
it reminds me of when the world was right
it takes me back to when i was happy
i don’t think i’ve been happy for a year now,
ever since you left.
you did it for me,
what you didn’t understand
is that when you walked away
the only stability my life had
was torn away
the roses that used to sit by the picture frame
have been replaced by pills
the bracelet that you bought me
isn’t on my wrist anymore
scars live in its place
from the bad nights,
the nights i didn’t think life was worth living
but the scars serve as my reminder
that you were not my only hope
and i’m not over you yet
but maybe someday
i will be.