you weren’t who I thought I wanted, but I fell for you just the same. you had that ginger hair I always said I hated, and those damn turquoise eyes. when you laughed the first time I swear I fell in love, and each time you smiled I think I stopped breathing.
and then you left
why’d you leave me? was I not good enough? was I not pretty enough? were there too many other girls to choose from?
was it the way I talked
or the way I laughed
or the way I was so hopelessly in love with you
I tried to be okay when you left, I really did. I went out with my friends almost every night. I buried myself in work. I went home and I cooked dinner and I fed my cat and I went to bed. everything was normal. I thought I was fine.
and then it hit me.
you were gone. gone forever. you were never coming back, and I swear the first time it hit me I thought I was going to be sick. I didn’t know what to do.
I tried alcohol. I thought maybe it’d erase your memory…all it did was make me sicker
I tried music and movies and social media. maybe being online would make me stop thinking about you…but I just saw all our old pictures, and songs, and favorite movies and all I could think of was you
I tried sleep. maybe if I was asleep you’d be off my mind…but you showed up in all my dreams
I tried never being in silence. maybe if I flooded my mind with conversations and information there’d be no room for you…somehow you still found your way in.
I tried to drown you out. but it never worked. it’s been 6 months now, and I’m still crying when I hear your favorite song. when does it end? I don’t know, but all I know is I’ve tried everything, and I still can’t get you off my mind.